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June Brain Dump

I know Ive posted really sporadically the past month. Ive been really kind of busy. There is a reason that many of my profile descriptions say "inconsistent blogger". Cause thats the truth, yo. From all of my "how to make millions off your blog" web searches, Ive realized that inconsistent blogging is not congruent with any type of money making. Go figure. Guess Ill have to find another way to make that money. Oh well.

I just looked and I ssw that I blogged a whole two times in June! Sporadically is not the word I should have used.

Anyways, I wanted to updated you on where I am in life.

Most of you know that for most of the month of June, I was in Hawaii.




We had taken a bit of a break from cloth diapering, mostly because Bryan is the SAHP and I thought it would be easier on him to keep that off his plate but we are back on the grind. On Sunday, Bryan installed a sprayer on the toilet to easily deal with the "number twos" and I taught him how to wash everything.

Im excited to get back into it because it is SUCH a money saver. We are working on setting up our office which will include putting together my sewing machine table and finally taking the actual machine out of the box... Ive had it for almost two years and the box is still sealed. Bad. I told Bryan the first project Im doing is some flannel wipes. I am just a strong believer that if you do cloth dipes, you have to do cloth wipes.

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My sister Alison and her family came into town for the weekend and we had a blast together. I always keep my schedule really loose when shes here so that I can get as much time as possible with her. We ended up spending a grip of time together and I was stoked. We get a long so well, its great.



On Thursday, she invited us over to witness my nieces baptism; it was a very special moment. Bryan was in Bakersfield for work, so it was just me and Shepherd. When it was time to leave, I put Shepherd in his car seat and turned on the remote start. I was having trouble with the strap so I called my brother in law, Adam over. When he fixed it, he shut the door which happened to be locked. The keys also happened to be inside. As well as my purse and my cell phone.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So my sisters and I start touching every door in hopes that we can get in. Alisons sister-in-laws husband tried to call his AAA to get roadside assistance and I asked my sister to call my step mom to see about my insurances roadside assistance. Then, I asked for Alisons father in law to get something heavy to break the window. Alisons sister-in-law called a friend of theirs who is a firefighter. About 5 minutes before he got there to open the car, the remote start shut off. The clock was now ticking as to how long Shepherd could be in there. It was after eight oclock, so luckily it was cooler in the day, but it was still much too hot for him to be in there long.

The firefighter, Logan got there and tried to use a wedge to unlock the doors, once on the driver side and once on the passenger side, but because of the remote start and the anti-theft system, the buttons wouldnt unlock the doors from the inside. Logan ended up breaking the window (which I did not care about in the least, obviously) and I got Shepherd out of the car.

This is the condensed, less emotional, less f-bomby version of events, but everything ended well. Shepherd is fine. I am fine, although I have some more gray hair, for sure.

My point in relaying my story is not only to remind myself of my own stupidity, but to acknowledge that parents make mistake. This is the second time that I and the remote start function on my car worked together to lock my son in the car. It is my fault, through and through. I got lucky both times that I was surrounded my family to help me. But if I had been somewhere alone, I would have had to run to the nearest place to call the police to get my son out of the car. It could have taken a very, very long time.



Be careful. Be aware. If you dont have pockets, throw your keys into your bra instead of setting them down. Hell, drop the on the floor. Be vigilant. Most importantly, dont be like me. Have a key hidden somewhere on your car. Who cares if your car gets stolen. That is what insurance is for. For me, its more important for me to be able to get into my car than to keep others out of my car. Also, give a key to a neighbor or friend, someone reliable that can get to you fast more often than not.

If youve locked a child in the car, you know how it feels. You are right there, unable to get in. Its literally the worst thing, being so close and not able to do anything about it. Youre not a bad parent. It happens to a lot of people. Just do better the next time. Get your kid out as fast as possible by any means necessary.

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In Hawaii, I took off my Fitbit. I was on vacation and didnt want to worry about ruining it in the ocean. As I type, its charging and Ill be back on my Fitbit + Jillian Michaels game as of tomorrow. My new goal is to lose 15 pounds by August 30! That means lots of movement, structured meals and thoughtful snacking.

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Thats all folks! Its good to be back. I hope you are having an amazing summer and as always, thanks for sticking around.

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April Brain Dump

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Im annoyed that people keep asking me about having more babies and laugh when I say I have a plan. My sister likes to give me a hard time about trying to "play God" by dictating when Ill get pregnant again. It assaults me left and right,  from women who were due when I was and now theyre already pregnant with their second kid, people saying Shepherd needs a sibling. You know the drill. It is nothing new. Usually I dont care. All the time I hear women say the typical things women say, about strangers touching their bellies or touching their babies or whatever. None of that bothered me. This does though. I guess because we, meaning Bryan and I, are so, so incredibly far away from having our second baby. I honestly couldnt feel farther away from the idea. We have so much to get in order, so much on the horizon that it wouldnt be fair to us, to Shepherd and even to the baby to try to wrestle that in there.

Mostly, with each question and comment about the next baby, I feel it. The disappointment in my last pregnancy, the weight of failed breastfeeding. The huge crap pile that was my life in 2012 and 2013. I cant go back there. I cant revisit that. I cant have pre-eclampsia again and the longer I wait, the healthier I get, the better I learn to deal with stress and anxiety, the better of a chance I have at carrying the baby to full term. To experience birth and motherhood the way it should be. But we arent ready yet, Im not ready yet. I cant do it and I dont like the comments. I dont like the feels that come along with them.

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Im in the beginning stages of applying for a program that will enrich my knowledge of school business and help to push my career forward. For the past few years Ive been in a holding pattern because I always thought this was a bridge job. I would use this job to bridge the gap until I became a stay at home mom. Since that isnt happening, I feel like I owe it to myself to dive deeper in my career so that I can move up as much as possible.

I definitely cannot say that my brain and heart have completely surrendered the idea of being a SAHM. Its been hard to adjust my thinking to this is what Im doing for the long haul. With this program, there is no going back. Personally, Im devastated. Giving up a dream is hard. Especially when that dream is so rooted to the core of you. At the same time, Im not just giving up a deal. Im pursuing a new one which is really scary. Hustling to meet goals and realize your dreams is not easy. Its not supposed to be or the payoff wouldnt be as sweet. Im starting to get into deeper waters and I feel so out of my element. Im ready for the challenge though. I think its right.

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Bryan is so, so close to finishing his album. I can almost feel the energy in the air. The next few months are going to be a whirlwind and I could not explain why, but I feel like this moment in our lives is huge. Its going to propel us somewhere. I dont know where, I dont have any idea if itll be a good place or bad one, but this step is going to take us somewhere unfamiliar. Its exciting, exhilarating and terrifying at once. Ive convinced Bryan do to a little side project with it and Im super stoked that he is on board. More on that soon!

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Random Pictures Brain Dump

Im going to LA this weekend to hang out with Denise and see where she lives and stuff. Im so excited! We have plans to see the Veronica Mars movie on Friday night in Santa Monica and we are going to go to fancy coffee shops and scour thrift store for Hawaii outfits. This will be my first time leaving Shepherd overnight and Im really apprehensive about it. LIKE REALLY. I have a conference in Sacramento the beginning of April so I figured, its going to happen sooner or later. At least if I do it now I wont have to be stressing out during a work function.

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